New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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