I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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