I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
