The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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