Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
