This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
