1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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