Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this boner is exhausting
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
