Sry I called you an 8
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
