My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
