Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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