weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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