it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
