He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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