He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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