wanna go halves on a baby?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
