maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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