Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
