You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
