connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
