Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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