Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
