So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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