guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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