Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
