I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
