ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
