at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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