he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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