this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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