Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
