No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You took a bar mat shot.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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