Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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