just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
