In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
