what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
