any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
