her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
