think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
