she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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