when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
