well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
