when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
