So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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