you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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