hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
