Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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