Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
