he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
