Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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