question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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