This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
worst night to have a conscience
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
